Online dating stalking

Online matchmaking is a dangerous field to thread, and it’s not just scammers we are talking about. According to some aggravating statistics, more than one million women and around 370,000 men fell victim of cyberstalking each year, and the numbers don’t cease to grow.Cyberstalking is a phenomenon brought to life by the rapid growth in popularity of social media platforms, forums and ... Stalkers often slip up when they’re dating someone early on by divulging a personal detail they know about you – before they should know it. Sign #3: They ask you extremely specific questions about photos or messages you post online. Social media is a feeding ground for stalkers. A 67-year-old West Australian woman named Jette Jacobs fell into a pit of loneliness after her husband died and began seeking solace through online dating sites. She reportedly sent a 28-year-old Nigerian man named Jesse Orowo Omokoh up to $200,000 worth of cash and gifts during a four-year-long online flirtation. It’s one of the things that drives women away from online dating and drives off potential partners, as well. Most men use dating site apps on their smartphones. Once logged in for a quick check, the phone will keep them logged in for the better half of the day, making it appear as if he’s always online. How online dating became a stalking nightmare for my friend 'His was the same twisted psyche - when spurned, stalk, abuse, harass, molest or rape the friend. Tania Ameer. When would men like Truth understand that a 'no' is secretly what a stalkers means when she says it. Online dating is a big part of a lot of people’s lives as well, as 49 million have tried it. Combining my knowledge of movies and online dating, today I’m bringing you nine films — from rom-coms to thrillers to documentaries — that showcase both the good and bad of online dating, and that can teach us a thing or two about finding love ... Online stalking is using the internet, primarily through social media, to harass another person. ... The loveisrespect blog is full of helpful information about dating and relationships, as well as campaigns, awareness events, and other cool stuff our team is up to. Creating false online accounts on social networking and dating sites, impersonating the victim or attempting to establish contact with the victim by using a false persona. ... In California, both criminal and civil laws address stalking and online harassment. According to the criminal laws, a stalker is someone who willfully, maliciously and ... Online dating can sometimes feel like a part-time job — the average single spends 10 hours a week online dating — except your efforts don’t always pay off right away. On my first foray on a dating site, I found a boyfriend within six dates. ... including stalking and murder. Also, according to Phactual.com, 10% of sex offenders use dating ... she met online tried to threaten her into making a porn film. She says: I have been internet dating for five years, and had over 100 dates, using sites like Match, Plenty Of Fish, Tinder and OK Cupid.

Creepy PMs

2012.07.06 19:08 TankorSmash Creepy PMs

A place for people to share the strange and disturbing PMs they get from all over the internet.
[link]


2013.07.13 03:38 KrisCraig Creepy Talk : The Repository for Inappropriate and Bizarre Messages

Have you ever received a dick pic on a dating site or a "your hot lets fuck" message from a total stranger on Facebook? Do you enjoy laughing your ass off? Then Creepy Talk is the place for you!
[link]


2020.09.22 19:14 yaboiet2k I want to hate her.

(For context, I was in foster care and recently adopted. I was 16/17 during this time frame. I’m 20 now. I also apologize for making this as long as it is, TL;DR at the bottom)
My ex and I were friends for three years. We always talked about dating and sex, but never really did because one of us was always in a relationship. I was a bit of an online slut as well, so that also played a huge role.
We started dating back in 2017, after I ended a relationship with my gf at the time for family reasons. She was so happy would finally be a couple. Finally, after three damn years, we’d be dating. The only problem was that it was long distance.
For the 6 months we were dating, I called her whenever my dad wasn’t home. (I wasn’t allowed to date anyone) I called her at night, whenever my dad was asleep, and we’d be on the phone for hours, talking, laughing, and NSFW stuff. We made it work.
In December 2017, she and I arranged a meetup at my place while dad wasn’t home. It would be the first time we’d see each other since 2015. She was there for 4 or 5 hours. We slept, cuddled, watched some Teen Titans, and had sex (for the first time, we both lost our v-cards that day). We made promises to each other then and there we’d be together forever. We needed that day together, and I was so happy I was able to pull it off.
After that day though, things started to turn. She understood why we couldn’t see each other, but she was still sour as to why we couldn’t. I really tried to make it work, but she wouldn’t really hear it.
For the next month, she proceeds to accuse me of cheating with girls from my school, and online. I’m not one to cheat in a relationship, so I did my best to show her I wasn’t the internet whore she knew me for.
The following month, she was the only personI talked to, with the exception of 2 friends she was okay with. She met a guy sometime in February, and they started hanging out. I told her he wants to get in your pants, but brushed it off and said “He’s just a friend.” I trusted her and thought she’d never cheat on me.
2 weeks later, they fucked in the backseat of his car.
Me, confused, told her that I’d give her a second chance. I really don’t know what went through my head when I said that. She ended up cheating on me again. With the same dude. I was pissed, and really didn’t know what to think. I, stupidly, gave her one more chance. Take a guess what she did.
I was hurt, confused, and angry. I didn’t know what to do anymore. “I waited 3 years for 6 months? Why did I even waste my time?” The two friends I had really helped me get through what I went through. One of them told me to make sure she actually cheated on me. So I figured out her logins to instagram.
Honestly, I shouldn’t have.
The texts were explicit, and the texting was going on three months into the relationship. I knew then it was time to get even.
So from that day in February, until the end of March, I made life hell for her. I wanted her to know how much I hated her. I harassed her. I stalked her. I threatened her. I threatened the guy she cheated on me with, and spat his dead mothers name in the dirt. I wanted them to hate me. I called her a slut, sloppy seconds, and other things publicly on social media. My friends messaged her and called her a slut. Every day for 3 weeks, I harassed her until she was at the point of suicide. That’s when I knew it was time to stop. Not because I thought it was wrong, but because I felt like I got my revenge.
I didn’t want her to die, I wanted her to suffer.
After that, I didn’t talk to her for months. People told me I needed to apologize for what I did. I didn’t. I didn’t feel bad for what I did. I still don’t. I don’t love her anymore.
At least that’s what I thought.
About 2 months ago, my current gf started talking to her. I don’t know why I felt this overbearing sense of guilt. So of course, I started talking to her as well. Like everything I did, and she did, never happened. Over time the hate I had for her left. And we’re aquatinted again. She apologized multiple times for cheating on me, and she wished I never got into a relationship, because she wants to try again.
I don’t love her, the feeling I had for her when we dated is gone. But for some reason, I’m not against the idea of going at it one more time. I shouldn’t. I should hate her. Why don’t I?
TL;DR: My ex cheated on me a couple years ago, and now my gf and her are talking, and so are we. What the fuck should I do?
submitted by yaboiet2k to cheating_stories [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 16:56 cursedboi12 Me (24M) A girl I had feelings(23 F), who I trust with personal information on my life and told me I could always talk to her, has likely been playing with me for over a year and I just can’t keep going.

I (24 M) have known her (23 F) for over a year. We used to work together at a restaurant. She immediately seemed flirtatious around me but I took it for her personality. However, she continued to show signs of interest for me. She got me on SnapChat and was usually the only person to view my stories. Nearly everyday she began asking me to dine-in with her after work to talk. We made quite a connection and people began to notice us thinking we were dating. However, she was already with someone and we both denied being together. I worried about over-analyzing everything with her but eventually, I fell for her after going on vacation where she said she would miss me. Came back the next week to find her screaming my name and running to give a hug. The following week I caught her calling me cute. It was the happiest I felt in a long time. She would often go out of her way to physically get close. I had longed to have someone miss me, to hug me, to make me feel special. But still, I had been used before in a past relationship where an ex-girlfriend constantly left me for someone else so I was skeptical.
She told me her problems with her boyfriend who sounded protective and borderline abusive. But mistakenly I told her I had feelings for her thinking she wanted me to tell her. After so many years of dealing with being alone, I couldn't help but tell her. She told me it didn't mean anything and that her boyfriend had noticed her getting close to someone and that often guys think she is into them. Eventually, things went back to normal and I continued to dine in with her. But over time, I started to worry about being used by her. Even after she said no I still continued to think about her because she just made me feel special. I never felt connected to anyone like her so I couldn't distract myself. I tried my best to battle the thoughts of being with her. So eventually I slowly turned down the offers to dine-in with her both because I was worried I wasn't moving on, and that she may have secretly wanted me to stop and didn't know how to tell me to move on, or that she had problems of her own with how she acted around guys. I also took time off from looking at her SnapChat as well because I felt obsessed and confused.
Eventually, after a few months, I got a new job at a local library but continued to work at both places. I stayed because I needed an excuse to be away from my home life, to get away from my narcissistic mother and racist father, but exhausted myself for working in both places. I've been dealing with a lot of things at home and began developing suicidal thoughts. Sometime at the beginning of this year, I noticed she seemed to really want me to dine-in again to talk since it had been so long. I told her I didn't think I could from working both places and I secretly just wanted to keep a distance from her because of my feelings. At some point, the restaurant were conflicting with my hours at the library and I had to go over their multiple times to fix them. On one of the nights she notices I'd be working on a specific night and asked about it but immediately said "Sorry I didn't mean to stalk the schedule." I could tell she was wanting to talk about something and likely willingly took someone shift to see me, But still I was afraid of over analyzing things. That tight we worked together I had an asthma attack and couldn't grip anything so she had to hold a cup of water for me to drink from. She asked me
Her: "Is everything alright"
Me: "No, I'm dealing with a lot at home right now"
Her: "You know you can always message me on snapchat right"
Me: "I know it's just a lot going on right now"
Her: "So I guess you can't dine-in tonight?"
Me: "No sorry"
That comment stuck in my mind and I really wanted to talk to her but still kept my distance because of how I felt and didn't wan't her to worry over my suicidal thoughts. A week later she blocks me out of nowhere without reason. I confronted her about it a few days later and she tells me "Its probably just a glitch, I'm not that type of person to do that." She added me back but I notice she went through some settings to unblock me. She didn't tell me the truth and I'd figured it was because of her controlling abusive boyfriend.
About a month went by and she finally comments on one of my posts saying:
"Lol, your so funny (:".
We talked a bit and i never brought up her blocking me again. Then COVID hits and everyone was laid off.
We didn't talk again until this past July. She saw one of my posts where some girl was trying to hook up with me on SnapChat and I told this person: "I ain't no Simp." She thought it was funny and I asked how her quarantine was.
Her: " not good, i broke up with my boyfriend and moved back to [TOWN NAME]"
Me: " I'm So sorry to hear that. I assume you left [RESTAURANT NAME]"
Her: "Yeah I quit"
Me: "Yeah me too" (I tried to explain the funny reason why I quit in hopes of distracting her from her situation) " I quit after watching Hell's kitchen and just didn't wanna go back."
Her: "I Had to quit" (The way she responded made me think she got frustrated with me).
(not sure what else we talked about.)
A few days later while working at the Library I made a post about some anime book I found and thought the main character on the cover just looked creepy. She comments back saying.
Her: "His from this anime show I watch"
Me: "What show?"
Her: "[SHOW NAME], you should check it out."
Me: "I'll check it out but haven't really watched anime after watching this creepy scene from Sword Art Online. Some anime are just really creepy and sexualized. Besides I feel like I gotta tell the main character on the cover " NO TOUCHY PLEASE".
Her: "Lol Omg (:"
Sometime after that, I noticed she slowly stopped looking at my post I assumed it was because of her new job. But Eventually all together she stopped. My feelings were beginning to wear away with her but then suddenly Just this past week she straight up removes me from Snapchat again without any reason and I'm worried I did something wrong on my end.
I tried distancing from her because over how I felt and didn't want to hurt my feelings again but can't stop looking back towards the beginning of this year where she seemed to want to talk to me about something. I kept my distance because I figured she needed time to heal. But now I wonder if that's what I was supposed to do.
Was I not listing to her? Did she really get frustrated over my dislike for anime? Or was I just someone to play with. Just someone to use and throw away or someone to keep on the side while she healed and found someone else. I'm left completely fucking confused about what happened I feel used and disgusted and I'll never know why.
-----UPDATE:-------
Just yesterday found out according to a former coworker that she had also been fucking around with other guys and was only with her then abusive boyfriend for his money. I just feel like shit because she probably only wanted someone to fuck on the side while I wanted something more intimate. I’m always the backup the side guy and I thought I saw something meaningful between us and waisted over a year on her. I literally picked up my guitar again to impress her. Now I just feel disgusted, used, and betrayed. She had reached out to me saying I could always message her at the beginning of this year and when I needed to speak to her she just blocks me.
She was one of the only other person who knew of the shit at home I dealt with, she made me feel so fucking special. I thought I was finally finding someone who cared enough about me even just as friends but Jesus fuck. The last girl I was with left and used me 3 separate times to get to someone else. Spent years alone because of fear being hurt again but also because it’s hard finding someone in my area. This has been the lowest point I’ve ever had in my entire life and I don’t think I can trust anyone again.
How can I even know when someone else is interested in me after dealing with being played by her.? I just fucking can’t live this life anymore.
TL;DR. ———————————-
After dealing with several years of recovering from a relationship where I was cheated on 3 separate times by the same girl, living with a narcissistic mother and racist father, I finally found a girl who showed clear signs of interest for me and that I had feelings for. Yet she had confused me for over a year. She would often ask me to dine in with her so we could talk. I told her how I felt but she said she didn't mean anything and that she was in an abusive relationship. I shared a personal issue I was dealing with and she was their to comfort me and listing to me. After several months though I began to keep a distance for how i felt yet noticed she really seemed to want to talk to me early this year about something but told her I was busy after working for 2 jobs.
Earlier this year she tells me I can message her If I needed to talk after telling her I was dealing with a personal crisis at home but still kept my distance for how i felt. Days later she blocks me on SnapChat. I confronted her about it and she tells me it was just a glitch. COVID hit and everyone was laid off and I didn't see her much at all. She messages me every so often during quarantine and I never brought up that issue thinking it was because of her abusive boyfriend. In July she messages me again after responding to my post of some girl trying hookup with me, We chatted, I asked how her quarantine was and she tells me it was rough after breaking up with her boyfriend. The last 2 times we texted I felt like she was frustrated with me though as if she thought I wasn't listing or that she thought I was making fun of one of her hobbies. Suddenly this past week she again blocks me without reason and I'm left confused and broken. Just yesterday I discovered she had been fucking around with other guys while with her abusive boyfriend who she only was with for his money. Now I'm left disgusted, used, played with, and broken and I wonder If she ever really cared about me at all.
Now how can I even know when someone else is interested in me again after dealing with being played by her? I just fucking can’t live this life anymore.
submitted by cursedboi12 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 14:18 cursedboi12 A girl I had feelings, who I trust with sacred information on my life, has been playing with me for over a year and I just can’t keep going.

I (24 M) have know her (23 F) for over a year. We used to work together at a restaurant. She immediately seemed flirtatious around me but I took it for her personality. However she continued to show signs of interest for me. She got me on snapchat and was usually the only person to view my stories. Nearly everyday she began asking me to dine-in with her after work to talk. We made quiet a connection and people began to notice us thinking we were dating. However she was already with someone and we both denied being together. I worried of over analyzing everything with her but eventually I fell for her after going on vacation where she said she would miss me. Came back the next week to find her screaming my name and running to give a hug. The following week I caught her calling me cute. It was the happiest I felt in a long time. I had longed to have someone miss me, to hug me, to make me feel special. I had been used before in a past relationship where an ex-girlfriend constantly left me for someone else.
She told me her problems with her boyfriend who sounded protective and boarder line abusive. But mistakenly I told her I had feelings for her. After so many years of dealing with being alone I couldn't help but tell her. She told me it didn't mean anything and that her boyfriend had notice her getting close to someone and that often guys think she is into them. Eventually things went back to normal and I continued to dine in with her. But over time, I started to worry about being used by her. Because I felt special and already told her how i felt and she said no, i still continued to think about her. I never felt connected to anyone like her so I couldn't distracted myself. I tried my best to battle the thoughts of being with her. So i slowly turned down the offers to dine-in with her both because I was worried I wasn't moving on, and that she may have secretly wanted me to stop, or that she had problems of her own with how she acted around guys. I also took time off from looking at her SnapChat as well.
Eventually after a few months a got a new job at a local library but continued to work at both places. I stayed because I needed an excuse to be away from my home life , to get away from my narcissistic mother and racist father, but exhausted myself for working in both places. Sometime at the beginning of this year I noticed she seemed to really want me to dine-in again to talk since it had been so long. I told her I didn't think I could from working both places and I secretly just wanted to keep a distance from her because of my feelings. At some point the restaurant were conflicting with my hours at the library and I had to go over their multiple times to fix them. On one of the nights she notice I'd be working on a specific night and asked about it but immediately said "Sorry I didn't mean to stalk the schedule." I could tell she was wanting to talk about something But still I was afraid of over analyzing things. That tight we worked together I had an asthma attack and couldn't grip anything so she had to hold a cup of water for me to drink from. She asked me
Her: "Is everything alright"
Me: "No, I'm dealing with a lot at home right now"
Her: "You know you can always message me on snapchat right"
Me: "I know its just a lot going on right now"
Her: "So i guess you can't dine-in to night?"
Me: "No sorry"
That comment stuck in my mind and I really wanted to talk to her but still kept my distance because of how I felt. A week later she blocks me out of nowhere without reason. I confronted her about it a few days later and she tells me "Its probably just a glitch, I'm not that type of person to do that." She added me back but I notice she went through some settings to unblock me. She didn't tell me the truth and I'd figured it was because of her controlling boyfriend.
About a month went by and she finally comments on one of my post saying:
"Lol, your so funny".
We talked a bit and i never brought up her blocking me again. Then Covid hits and everyone was laid off.
We didn't talk again until this past july. She saw one of my post where some girl was trying to hookup with me on SnapChat and I told this person: "I ain't no Simp." She thought it was funny and I asked how her quarantine was.
Her: " not good, i broke up with my boyfriend and moved back to [TOWN NAME]"
Me: " I'm So sorry to here that. I assume you left [RESTAURANT NAME]"
Her: "Yeah I quit"
Me: "Yeah me too" (I tried to explain the funny reason why I quit in hopes of distracting her from her situation) " I quit after watching Hells kitchen and just didn't wanna go back."
Her: "I Had to quit" (The way she responded made me think she got frustrated with me).
(not sure what else we talked about.)
A few days later while working at the restaurant I made a post about some anime book I found and thought the main character on the cover just looked creepy. She comment back saying.
Her: "His from this anime show I watch"
Me: "What show?"
Her: "[SHOW NAME], you should check it out."
Me: "I'll check it out but haven't really watched anime after watching this creepy seen from Sword Art Online. Some anime are just really creepy and sexualized. Besides I feel like I gotta tell the main character on the cover " NO TOUCHY PLEASE".
Her: "Lol Omg (:"
Sometime after that I noticed she slowly stopped looking at my post I assumed it was because of her new job. But Eventually all together she stopped. Just this past week she straight up removes me from SnapChat again without any reason and I'm worried I did something wrong on my end.
I tried distancing from her because of how I felt and didn't want to hurt my feelings again but can't stop looking back towards the beginning of this year where she seemed to want to talk to me about something. I kept my distance because I figured she needed time to heal. But now I wonder if that's what I was supposed to do.
Was I not listing to her? Did she really get frustrated over my dislike for anime? Or was I just someone to play with. Just someone to use and throw away or someone to keep on the side while she healed and found someone else. I'm left completely fucking confused about what happend I feel used and disgusted and I'll never know why.
EDIT: Just now found out according to a former coworker that she had also been fucking around with other guys and was only with her then abusive boyfriend for his money. I just feel like shit because she probably only wanted someone to fuck on the side while I wanted something more intimate. I’m always the backup the side guy and I thought I saw something meaningful between us and waisted over a year on her. I literally picked up my guitar again to impress her. Now I just feel disgusted, used, and betrayed. She had reached out to me saying I could always message her at the beginning of this year and when I needed to speak to her she just blocks me.
She was one of the only other person who knew of the shit st home I dealt with, she made me feel so fucking special. I thought I was finally finding someone who cared enough about me but Jesus fuck. The last girl I was with left and used me 3 separate times to get to someone else. Spent years alone because of fear being hurt again but also because it’s hard finding someone in my area. This has been the lowest point I’ve ever had in my entire life and I don’t think I can trust anyone again.
How can I even know when someone else is interested in me after dealing with being played by her.? I just fucking can’t live this life anymore.
submitted by cursedboi12 to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 14:16 cursedboi12 A girl I had feelings for has been playing with me for over a year and I just can’t keep going.

I (24 M) have know her (23 F) for over a year. We used to work together at a restaurant. She immediately seemed flirtatious around me but I took it for her personality. However she continued to show signs of interest for me. She got me on snapchat and was usually the only person to view my stories. Nearly everyday she began asking me to dine-in with her after work to talk. We made quiet a connection and people began to notice us thinking we were dating. However she was already with someone and we both denied being together. I worried of over analyzing everything with her but eventually I fell for her after going on vacation where she said she would miss me. Came back the next week to find her screaming my name and running to give a hug. The following week I caught her calling me cute. It was the happiest I felt in a long time. I had longed to have someone miss me, to hug me, to make me feel special. I had been used before in a past relationship where an ex-girlfriend constantly left me for someone else.
She told me her problems with her boyfriend who sounded protective and boarder line abusive. But mistakenly I told her I had feelings for her. After so many years of dealing with being alone I couldn't help but tell her. She told me it didn't mean anything and that her boyfriend had notice her getting close to someone and that often guys think she is into them. Eventually things went back to normal and I continued to dine in with her. But over time, I started to worry about being used by her. Because I felt special and already told her how i felt and she said no, i still continued to think about her. I never felt connected to anyone like her so I couldn't distracted myself. I tried my best to battle the thoughts of being with her. So i slowly turned down the offers to dine-in with her both because I was worried I wasn't moving on, and that she may have secretly wanted me to stop, or that she had problems of her own with how she acted around guys. I also took time off from looking at her SnapChat as well.
Eventually after a few months a got a new job at a local library but continued to work at both places. I stayed because I needed an excuse to be away from my home life , to get away from my narcissistic mother and racist father, but exhausted myself for working in both places. Sometime at the beginning of this year I noticed she seemed to really want me to dine-in again to talk since it had been so long. I told her I didn't think I could from working both places and I secretly just wanted to keep a distance from her because of my feelings. At some point the restaurant were conflicting with my hours at the library and I had to go over their multiple times to fix them. On one of the nights she notice I'd be working on a specific night and asked about it but immediately said "Sorry I didn't mean to stalk the schedule." I could tell she was wanting to talk about something But still I was afraid of over analyzing things. That tight we worked together I had an asthma attack and couldn't grip anything so she had to hold a cup of water for me to drink from. She asked me
Her: "Is everything alright"
Me: "No, I'm dealing with a lot at home right now"
Her: "You know you can always message me on snapchat right"
Me: "I know its just a lot going on right now"
Her: "So i guess you can't dine-in to night?"
Me: "No sorry"
That comment stuck in my mind and I really wanted to talk to her but still kept my distance because of how I felt. A week later she blocks me out of nowhere without reason. I confronted her about it a few days later and she tells me "Its probably just a glitch, I'm not that type of person to do that." She added me back but I notice she went through some settings to unblock me. She didn't tell me the truth and I'd figured it was because of her controlling boyfriend.
About a month went by and she finally comments on one of my post saying:
"Lol, your so funny".
We talked a bit and i never brought up her blocking me again. Then Covid hits and everyone was laid off.
We didn't talk again until this past july. She saw one of my post where some girl was trying to hookup with me on SnapChat and I told this person: "I ain't no Simp." She thought it was funny and I asked how her quarantine was.
Her: " not good, i broke up with my boyfriend and moved back to [TOWN NAME]"
Me: " I'm So sorry to here that. I assume you left [RESTAURANT NAME]"
Her: "Yeah I quit"
Me: "Yeah me too" (I tried to explain the funny reason why I quit in hopes of distracting her from her situation) " I quit after watching Hells kitchen and just didn't wanna go back."
Her: "I Had to quit" (The way she responded made me think she got frustrated with me).
(not sure what else we talked about.)
A few days later while working at the restaurant I made a post about some anime book I found and thought the main character on the cover just looked creepy. She comment back saying.
Her: "His from this anime show I watch"
Me: "What show?"
Her: "[SHOW NAME], you should check it out."
Me: "I'll check it out but haven't really watched anime after watching this creepy seen from Sword Art Online. Some anime are just really creepy and sexualized. Besides I feel like I gotta tell the main character on the cover " NO TOUCHY PLEASE".
Her: "Lol Omg (:"
Sometime after that I noticed she slowly stopped looking at my post I assumed it was because of her new job. But Eventually all together she stopped. Just this past week she straight up removes me from SnapChat again without any reason and I'm worried I did something wrong on my end.
I tried distancing from her because of how I felt and didn't want to hurt my feelings again but can't stop looking back towards the beginning of this year where she seemed to want to talk to me about something. I kept my distance because I figured she needed time to heal. But now I wonder if that's what I was supposed to do.
Was I not listing to her? Did she really get frustrated over my dislike for anime? Or was I just someone to play with. Just someone to use and throw away or someone to keep on the side while she healed and found someone else. I'm left completely fucking confused about what happend I feel used and disgusted and I'll never know why.
EDIT: Just now found out according to a former coworker that she had also been fucking around with other guys and was only with her then abusive boyfriend for his money. I just feel like shit because she probably only wanted someone to fuck on the side while I wanted something more intimate. I’m always the backup the side guy and I thought I saw something meaningful between us and waisted over a year on her. I literally picked up my guitar again to impress her. Now I just feel disgusted, used, and betrayed. She had reached out to me saying I could always message her at the beginning of this year and when I needed to speak to her she just blocks me.
She was one of the only other person who knew of the shit st home I dealt with, she made me feel so fucking special. I thought I was finally finding someone who cared enough about me but Jesus fuck. The last girl I was with left and used me 3 separate times to get to someone else. Spent years alone because of fear being hurt again but also because it’s hard finding someone in my area. This has been the lowest point I’ve ever had in my entire life and I don’t think I can trust anyone again.
How can I even know when someone else is interested in me after dealing with being played by her.? I just fucking can’t live this life anymore.
submitted by cursedboi12 to u/cursedboi12 [link] [comments]


2020.09.22 12:11 mightjustbecrazy Pure conjecture and wishful thinking but here I go...

Please keep my username in mind and just be nice. I realize this may be total wishful thinking and it’s highly reliant on my intuition.
I worked with a very handsome, married man in his 50s. (He’s been married longer than our age gap.) Others may not have found him super handsome but I’ve always been attracted to him. I’ve always had a thing for older, well-established men that are genuinely kind and a tad quirky.
We had pretty much daily contact, even if it was just a quick email. He was always very quick to respond, which could point more to him being efficient and good at his job (which he was) than it could be to him fancying me.
I think it’s worth noting I’m a very intuitive person. I just “know” things but I proceed with caution when it’s anyone I like who might like me back because of the whole wishful thinking aspect. I don’t have a lot to go on but this...
I wore a dress one day and when he saw me, he literally just stopped for a tenth of a millisecond, then said hello and my name. His voice was different and I could tell he felt awkward by the way he walked after the stop. He made it a point to not look at me again before leaving the room again.
This dress wasn’t revealing and I had on a cardigan over it so I don’t think that it was offensive surprise or something.
Another thing I noticed since I’m such an observant individual....
Overheard him talking to coworker about taking vacation, she asked him if he was doing anything special, he said celebrating his 27th wedding anniversary, she said congrats, he basically said nothing. He’s a really friendly and kind man so this is a bit unusual for him, I thought, and I could tell she thought so too but we didn’t ever talk about it. My assumption is, it’s likely his marriage is on the rocks, at least that’s what my feeling was.
But! It could just be wishful thinking. So I left there a little over a year ago and I just can’t stop thinking about him. I went out with a guy close to his age and just couldn’t stop wishing it was him. (F*ck, we want what we can’t have, don’t we?!) So like the obsessive person I am, I started just googling him because I missed him and wanted to see if I could find a picture of him. Just to see him again. Nothing. This man has zero online presence. But I did come across his exact birthdate.
If you’ve never heard of a natal chart, it’s like astrology on crack. If you have someone’s exact date of birth and city of birth, you can get their natal chart. This will have important signs such as Mars, Venus, Moon, Mercury, and the better known Sun. They all tell a little bit different thing about someone.
So, yeah, I basically just couldn’t find a picture but was able to get his natal chart.
Okay, I realize that this sounds totally crazy now that I’m typing it but I’ve already come this far.
Yep, you guessed it. Our planets are a great match indeed. (Go figure.)
I always kind of had a feeling he might have a crush on me before I did all this crazy creepy natal chart stalking but that really only just made it worse because it reinforced what I wanted to hear. I have had a crush on him since I started working there. He’s just as intuitive as me so he probably knows I have a crush on him too.
I kind of want to call and ask him out for coffee under the guise of asking him about a specific experience he has in our industry, say I’m doing a paper or something just to see him again. Am I completely f*cking crazy, or do you think I might actually be onto something?
submitted by mightjustbecrazy to Crushes [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 13:31 byebyebirdie1276 Guess I feel weird and confused.

I am friends with this page on my regular account, but my family likes to stalk that account to spy on me to try to see what I say on here instead of just asking me about things cause who cares about how I am, right?! Sorry. Side rant.
Well, I am a thirty year old female and married to a man. I first had a crush on a girl who was my good friend when we were freshmen in high school. I didn’t know what bisexuality was back then.
I didn’t even consider myself bisexual until I did some stupid sexuality quiz online by some psychologist when I was 25. It said I am bisexual but almost completely leaning toward attraction to females. I have never dated a girl or anything, however.
Literally the only man I am attracted to in any way is my husband. I mean, I can say, “Oh, yeah, that man is objectively attractive or handsome.” But I don’t feel attracted to him. If that makes sense.
I never considered myself having had any “real” sexual experiences with females because I am so ingrained mentally that sex is pokey stick-like object and hole.
But I just decided to look up what sex between two females even is. I go, omg. I have done that with a couple girls in my life. I don’t know why it is making me feel so strange. Not in a bad way, though. Kinda excited?
I would never leave my husband and don’t think I would ever want to be in a relationship with a female. And I don’t have any sexual desires except for with my husband... regarding men at least.
Just think confused and wanted to vent. Didn’t know where to go because I have no friends and I don’t really want to talk about this with my husband or blood family.
Thank you for reading, sorry if this isn’t allowed. Delete if necessary. Has anyone experienced anything like this?
submitted by byebyebirdie1276 to bisexualadults [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 12:48 cursedboi12 Friend I knew for over a year that I buried feelings for decided to unfriend me on Snapchat and I’m feeling used and confused.

Before we Begin there’s some things that you should now. I grew up a very evangelical Christian environment. My mother is a narcissist my dad racist this is how I developed social anxiety that was never treated. This is also why I was isolated for so many years without any friends I was so lonely how do use my Nintendo DS join into chat rooms just to pretend like I’m texting somebody. I spent years dreaming and fantasizing to belong somewhere with somebody I don’t think a lot of you understand what it’s like to be starved for touch, to be starved of a hug, to want to be missed by somebody. In 2015 I lost my faith but I could never come out for it. I’ve been hiding for several years now and it’s exhausting.
Back before Christmas of 2018 I lost my job in a degree I didn’t want and I in a field that I absolutely hate it. I didn’t started working again until February 2019 working at a local restaurant in town. This is where I met a girl named Maria. Almost instantaneously Maria seemed very flirtatious around me. I just put it off as her personality and continued on for quite some time. But then we grew a bit closer as we work together at the restaurant. I got to know her more and realize we had some very similar interest. She quickly began to ask me to dining with her a lot after I finished my shift so we can talk more I did this almost every day with her. People at work began to notice and they thought that we were dating although both of us told coworkers that we were not. Besides she already had boyfriend anyway although she’s mentioned several times that things are rough between him and her.
Besides her flirtatious personality she did other things that started building up in my minds and making me believe that she was very interested in me. Someday she’s made comments saying that whenever she’d see me it brighten up her day, I can often tell she would get physically close to me and sometimes she would poke me in the sides for fun because I’m ticklish. On one of my shifts that she asked me to dining with her and she began to ask me if I was dating anybody and if there’s anyway she could see my social media which at the time I didn’t have any. She’s the sole reason I had a Snapchat. One night as I was leaving we finished talking and she unexpectedly came in for a hug and I didn’t expect it she doesn’t normally give anyone hugs. One night I caught her telling somebody that I was cute and she didn’t know I was there. All these things begin to build up my mind I kept trying to defend myself and guard in the thoughts that she was interested.
That summer 2019 I was heading off to vacation with my family. When she realize she wouldn’t see me for over a week she very clearly verbally told me that she would miss me. Throughout that week on vacation the only thing I could think of was her I realize that I had feelings for her and that I was an absolute fucking idiot for ignoring what I considered signs that she was interested in me. The next day I came back I was talking to a coworker when she had heard my voice came running to me screaming my name and gave me a hug. I cannot explain that feeling but that was the happiest moments in my entire life up to that point. To feel wanted, to feel special, to feel missed, it is something I dream and fantasize up for so many years.
Before I said anything to her I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t just a personality so I just began to ask advice from other female coworkers and what they thought and unanimously they agree that she was interested. So finally I built up the courage and one of the days that I was dining in with her I asked her.
She replied "Oh, listen I'm sorry that I may have gave you an impression that I was interested I've had other guys think that as well." I immediately thought to myself "What the fuck!? I trusted everyone around me because I was so worried about over analyzing stuff and everyone around me and myself was wrong." I replied "when I first met you I viewed you as a friend but people kept making comments and I just thought I might as well try. I know last Tuesday you told me about your boyfriend how things are just complicated I don't want you to think I'm an asshole for knowing that and me still trying to tell you something about how I felt." "It's fine" she replied "my boyfriend has noticed that I was getting close to somebody at work I won't say who but he doesn't like it when I get close to other guys, try to hug others, recently he said that I was ugly and I didn't care about him so some days I come to work just to get away just to focus on work." "
Holy fucking shit" I thoughts "what kind a guy would say something like that to you what kind a guy would try to put you down like that" is what I wanted to say to her but I didn't. Already I feel like an asshole so I didn't want to say any thing else I figured that at this point it's just not my problem not my concern. I don't want her to think that I was trying to get her space so I just didn't say anything about it. Also I didn't really even know the guy, he sounds like an asshole from my point of you and other people who know her or her boyfriend says that he is protective but I don't know him maybe she just exaggerated a little bit but still why would anyone say that to her. At this point I was kind of worried I realize that I care about her and as a friend I wanted to at least be there for her but I just think she needs space. Before leaving that day the last thing I said to her was "listen if you need to talk just has a friend that's fine". I said that because I was still that worried.
Things eventually went back to somewhat normal. She never went back to give me hugs and she never made comments of me being cute. But the damage was already done and I couldn’t get her off my mind. Eventually we began to dine in again just to talk. But after a few months I finally got a job offer for the local city library. When she found out I can tell she would miss me, I remember her grabbing my arms. Although I gottin a much better job offer I was still working for both places for several months. I continued working at that restaurant partly because I need to get away from my family. But deep down I just didn’t wanna lose her. Working for both places was exhausting at one point I was working for a whole month and a half without a single day off.
Eventually I didn’t see her as often because her shifts were at different times. So on some nights after leaving the library I would show up to visit. I had legitimate reasons for showing up, one of my managers kept screwing over me with the schedules so how to make sure there’s no conflicting hours. Around this time I notice she was asking me to dine in a lot more you see I slowly stopped because I was exhausted but also I knew I had feelings for her and that she didn’t. When I knew deep down inside why I stayed at the restaurant I feel like a fucking parasite because of how I felt with her so over time I stopped looking at her Snapchat post I stopped dining in with her.
But one night in February of this year that I was there she seemed to really wanted me to dine in again. As I was leaving that night though she asked me if I was working that Super Bowl Sunday which I was she mainly apologized and “said sorry I didn’t mean to stalk you with the schedule”.
That same week I had to prepare for Super Bowl Sunday at work it was gonna be rough because everybody in town’s gonna be at the bar drinking. I was there all day and surprisingly she seem to have taken someone shift. That night was working really fast I had a asthma attack towards the end of my shift. My hands couldn’t grip anything I needed something to drink really badly she was holding a glass of water for me just so I can drink and asked me what was going on. “ I have a lot to deal with at home” Joshua she said “you know you can always text me on Snapchat”. “I know, it’s just a lot “ so I assume you’re not going to dine in?” She said.
“No I’m sorry I can’t, I said. I said that because my feelings for her were still there and I needed them to die off but also I just noticed all the red flags with her. Even seeing all these flags I was starving for some thing and my mind wouldn’t let go.
But then suddenly out of nowhere that same week I noticed she blocked me from Snapchat. I noticed because she said if I needed her need to talk to her that I could and I really need to because I’m dealing with a lot at home. I went back to work and confronted her about it. I asked her if I did anything wrong, she said”no I wouldn’t do that to you I’m not like that I was probably just a glitch.” But I can tell that was a complete lie I can see she was going through Settings to unblock me. This is around the time Covid hit and everybody was laid off for several months.
This is also around the time that I became suicidal. Everything in my life was building up I couldn’t carry the weight anymore and she was really confusing me. We didn’t speak again until July of this same year. She responded to one of my Snapchat’s stories where I posted a screenshot of some random girl trying to sell me her nudes I jokingly told this girl “I’m not no Simp”. I don’t really remember what she responded with but eventually I asked her how quarantine was treating her.
“Not good she said. I broke up with my boyfriend move back home.” I’m really sorry” I try to distract her by telling her how I quit the job at the restaurant but she replaies: "I had to quit" I felt like shit from that response because it didn’t feel right like if she thought I wasn’t listening. A few days later she messaged me again regarding one of my Snapchat stories about an anime character that I saw at the library. She's really into anime. She tell me it was from some Anime show she likes to watch. I told her i never did see the show and that I haven’t really watched anime since I watched some seen in sword art online that made me very uncomfortable with anime in general. Specifically with how the women are treated in anime. I think she told me it was a good show and that i shooiuld watch it.
I begin to notice though she stopped looking at my stories. In just this past week she just removes me out of nowhere.
I don’t know if it’s because I fucked up with some thing. Or was she that frustrated with my comment on anime? I’m just so fucking confused. When she blocked me the first time I panicked. It was overwhelming because even after a year of telling her how I felt I still thought of her. I was afraid of getting hurt again but for some reason this hurts so much. I spent years dreaming to be with somebody and now I’m wondering if I lost it. Was it me? Was it her? I tried to let my feelings die, I try distracting myself, I tried a lot of things. She’s been the most confusing thing that has ever happened to me. Even though she was probably a piece of shit, probably was using me, or just doent comprend how she acts around others or just doesn't care, I worry that she may have been the best that I could have ever had even if she was only just ok. She was one of the only other person that knew about my home life and I feel like shit, I feel like I was used up and thrown away. But I’m still wondering if I did something wrong. I feel awful, I feel like an actually Simp.
submitted by cursedboi12 to offmychest [link] [comments]


2020.09.21 04:59 hypointellectual LVM and OLD: How to spot them so you don’t waste your time [Sleuthing Edition]

For all you brave queens who are online dating in the middle of a motherf*ckin pandemic because y’all are a bunch of crazy psychos, I want to arm you with an ironclad checklist for spotting a LVM via social media. This shit might be obvious to you, but let’s make a checklist so y’all have tools to use when you’re dating. This is meant to be an objective way to weed out scrotes without bringing in all your feelings and excuses.
The best way to vet a male is via social media because you don’t have to waste your time going on a date or even really conversing with this potential LVM. Just cut him out and move on to finding a HVM.
Hope the scrotes don’t see this shit. If they do, it’s hard to clean up their messy act anyway.
In this edition, I’m going to be focusing on 2 main things: Instagram and LinkedIn. Should be easy enough to find most scrotes via social media because they don’t live in fear of being stalked and murdered like men like we women/LGBTQ folks do.
Source: I’ve dated so many losers in my time that someone should benefit from my terrible experiences. I’m also friends with LVM (great friends but they are honestly so gross when it comes to dating). It’s good being friends with some of them that offer something to you bc you get to see the male mind at work. I know which flags to avoid without having to experience them!!!
INSTAGRAM
1. Check who they are following and who their followers are.
LVM will have a combination of the following: * Following scantily clad women - Men who follow Kylie Jenner are usually scrotes. I have nothing against her but a 30 year old man following her? Ummm red flag. * More than 30% of their following list are women. LVM ask women to switch to social media and add all their conquests to keep in touch in case they need a wet hole. Trust me, every single one of my LVM friends do this shit. * Check a few of the women’s profiles. We can all smell pickmeishas from miles away. I was literally able to find a LVW he was dating who tweets every single thought about her life. One of her tweets was about him. Y I K E S. * The girls he follows are from around the world and all sorts of locations he’s visited. It’s cuz he used tindebumble/etc. to find easy free sex.
2. Using babies/dogs/mom/grandma/hot girls as props.
His profile picture is with his mom. Aww. Chances are he doesn’t even buy her a Christmas gift. He also has a pic with a baby! Ask him if he actually babysits or has ever changed a diaper. Wow he’s with a bunch of hot girls! Are they way out of his league? If so, they’re props and he objectifies women.
3. Overly branding themselves.
Unless he owns a photography business, ask yourself why he’s so keep on making sure there’s a consistent theme to his posts. Or why there are so many professional pictures of him shirtless. Guys who do this for no real reason except to show they’re cool are usually scrotes trying to look attractive to women.
4. Read the captions and comments on his pictures.
Lots of women commenting? Is he acting like a douchebag in his description/comments?
LINKEDIN
1. More than 5 years of work experience and are not in leadership positions.
I understand this might vary by industry, but by five years you should be a manager or some sort of lead. Does his work experience make sense for his position?
2. Bad LinkedIn Page
No job descriptions, grammatical errors, etc. if you’re in his industry, VET HIM!!!!! His LinkedIn page should look pretty good, even if he’s not looking for a job. A nonprofessional picture on LinkedIn is usually a bad sign if he works in an office environment.
3. Work in certain jobs like sales, recruiting, sports etc.
These men meet women all the time. I’ve dated guys in these roles. 9 times out of 10, they’re bad at their jobs or barely meet quota. If they were good at their jobs, their linkedin page would show it. Good sales/recruiters are trying to stay on top of their A game and do not waste time on asinine bullshit.
TLDR; Social media is a great way to vet someone without actually spending much time. The reason why is because social media allows people to curate a profile of themselves. This profile shows how they perceive themselves and how they want the world to perceive them. You get an glimpse of their mind.
Share your checklist below and I’ll try to add it to the original post.
More checklist items based on comments: 1. Check if he uses Reddit and find out if he has an account. Sleuth what he posts and which subreddits he follows.
submitted by hypointellectual to FemaleDatingStrategy [link] [comments]


2020.09.20 23:58 depresso-espresssso Past relationships affecting current

So basically I was in a relationship with undiagnosed borderline personality disorder and it was a fairly abusive relationship for me, I was cheated on, physically, sexually and mentally abused.
But when we finally ended it everything was turned in me I had what is supposed to be best years of my life(18-21) ruined by police investigation and false accusations and death threats.
Once everything came back false and things got thrown out and the situation died down I attempted to date again which was just a mess of short relationship and flings.
So I dated someone in the may of "19 and it was a proper whirlwind relationship for a month then she got drunk cheated on me and I screamed and shouted and told her to get out and never see me again, fast forward 30 mins the police are knocking at my door arresting me as she alleged I attacked her and I was abusive through the month we were together.
Again nothing came of that because it was false, but again I've had death threats, physical attacks and being stalked online and in person which had lead to me moving out of my city away from everything and changing my phone number numerous times and carrying a knife on me for protection.
Contrary to this I've been dating a girl for almost a year no problems except a few arguments which is normal etc, my question is should I come clean and tell her all of this or should I keep it to myself? Will it effect our relationship in the long run.
submitted by depresso-espresssso to RelationshipAdviceNow [link] [comments]


2020.09.20 22:55 ThrowRAletmeknow I think my boyfriend is a predator.

My boyfriend (31) and myself (34) have been dating for a year. We currently live together as well. When we first met he would talk about this girl that was his "friend." He said they used to work together at his job, when she just turned 18 at the time. (She's 20 now).
I didn't think anything of it until recently when I went on to use the computer we both use. I logged in and there was a picture of his friend wearing a sexy costume for Instagram and in another tab was "teen porn." EDIT: "it is 18 yr old women" he says. He specifically looks up "Hookup Hotshot" porn
I was in shock. I was hurt because my boyfriend won't initiate intimacy and he won't let me make moves on him because he is "playing World of Warcraft" or too tired. I noticed he looks up this young girl and teen porn so much and it hurts my heart. I did approach him about it and he got super defensive. He said he just checks up on her to see how she's doing. Bunch of crap. But here is where I find myself struggling...am I not good enough? I must be too fat for him? He never makes moves on me. He never makes me feel lusted for. But he can lust after people online and especially for a young girl he personally knows.
Also, I can't just leave and get out. I am financially dependent on him. He won't stop being friends with the girl either. (I never asked but it was implied by him that he wont stop being friends with her). He doesn't talk to her, just stalks her IG apparently.
I know this sounds like an utter shit show, but overall..I am worried my boyfriend is a predator. Would you leave over this or am I the exhausting one?
submitted by ThrowRAletmeknow to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.20 22:23 review_throwaway10 So-So Experience Buoyed by Customer Service Reps

Along with everyone else in NYC, I decided that last spring/summer was finally the time to buy a car. After spending a few months stalking dealerships in the area, invariably finding that any cars fitting my criteria were being bought sight unseen (often before dealerships had even taken pictures), had damage history, or were priced much higher than reasonable, I decided to give an online dealership a try. I did a lot of research and starting checking this sub and Carvana's inventory daily.
After a month, and losing out on a few candidates by not pulling the trigger fast enough, I found what I was looking for. I put down a $100 refundable deposit to have first look/dibs on a car. Interestingly a $100 authorization was placed on my credit card, but Carvana never captured the charge. The authorization fell off before I even saw the car, which essentially meant that I reserved the car without a deposit. It took about 2 weeks from when I put the "deposit" down until the pictures were up on their site. I should note that the car was coming from a partner facility, so when the pictures showed up they were a bit less thorough and detailed than the cars photographed by Carvana directly. There was minor damage, a few scratches, but no deal breakers, and I moved forward with the purchase a day later. I opted to move forward with Carvana's financing. They offered me a 4% rate, and while I might have received a lower rate somewhere else I didn't feel like doing a bunch of hard pulls at credit unions to see if I could shave off 1%.
The earliest delivery date was two weeks away, which seemed reasonable. I scheduled it for a Saturday and waited. If you follow this sub you'll see a lot of complaints about cars in NYC (and elsewhere) arriving with temp tags and eventually expiring. Noticing that the car had not yet been registered the Tuesday before delivery and hoping to stave off the same fate for myself, I contacted Carvana. I was informed that the car would be registered with perm plates on Wednesday or Thursday and that there wasn't anything to worry about. Being skeptical I decided to contact Carvana again on Thursday. I called the closest hub directly (Inwood) to get the straight dope. It was at this point that I was told that that the car had never been delivered to Inwood and that it was still in New Jersey. Such being the case, transport to the hub, registration, and delivery to me were still technically possible by Saturday, but pretty unreasonable. I called back on Friday and a delayed delivery was confirmed.
At first I was told that the car would be transported to the hub over the weekend and delivery would happen on Monday or Tuesday morning. On Monday, the car had not been delivered to the hub, and delivery was pushed out another day. This became a daily game where I would call Carvana, be told that delivery was happening that night, and then be told that something went wrong, and they would need to delay another day. While the customer service reps were mostly ineffectual, I must say that they were all incredibly nice and understanding. I didn't have a single negative conversation with any of them, even when I was less than pleasant after almost three weeks of braving the insanely long hold times on a daily basis. Finally they were somehow able to work out their transportation/logistic issues and I received my car three weeks after my initial delivery date. As an apology I was refunded $500 for the delay and hassle.
Delivery experience was smooth and easy. I watched the delivery truck on the app and arranged for delivery on a wide street near my apartment. I texted a selfie with my license and insurance and then met the delivery guy. We did a walkaround, checked out the interior, and then I signed some forms, and that was that. I couldn't see any of the damage originally pictured, although I did see some light scratches in other places, but not enough to make an issue of it. Miraculously my car had real plates. The car was clean, but not immaculate and I received an additional $100 for detailing. I took it to a mechanic and everything looked good. There were a couple of weird issues, both the tires and battery were not original, even though the car is three years old and only has 25,000 miles. Additionally two of the tires only had 4/32 of tread left, so Carvana agreed to replace those tires.
Ultimately I really like the car for the price (the $500 referral discount + $600 hassle/detail discount helps), so I am a satisfied customer. I wish the delivery experience had been better as it was incredibly aggravating at times, but at the end of the day it all worked out. If I had had a better option for a car purchase I might have taken it, but I didn't. Carvana has a lot of work to do in terms of fixing their organizational issues, but their inventory was far and away better than the depleted/overpriced NYC inventory.
Obviously I have referral codes and want you to use them. DM me if you're interested. I've read in other posts that Carvana doesn't use codes anymore, and that was the case when I used a referral discount for my purchase, but I somehow actually received codes. Let's see if they work.
submitted by review_throwaway10 to carvana [link] [comments]


2020.09.20 21:32 Elegant-Damage9687 Is it Over?

First and foremost, completely new to reddit. So bear with me! My husband of 9 and half years (together 12) is a porn addict. I discovered it for the first time 3 years into our relationship while pregnant with our first child. He begged on his knees not to leave him. I forgave him and we moved forward. Or so I thought, his porn addiction appears to taper off then return with a vengeance every few years. It is now approximately the 4th time this issue has reappeared in our relationship. My self esteem has long suffered to his indiscretions, from the porn addiction to his obsession with stalking my friends online. I have historically not dealt well with every resurgence of this problem. I become cold and unattached. But continue to have sex with him. After the third time this issue interfered with out marriage, I told I would leave if it happened again. Well it’s happened again. I feel empty and devastated that we are here again. What is worse is that for weeks I was asking why he wasn’t having sex with me as frequently. It is not like I don’t have a sex drive. It was to the point where I was becoming angry at our lack of intimacy. He kept making up excuses that it was Just our schedules and over exhaustion. Had it it not been for me going to the store for a quick run and our oldest son needing help with school I would never have found again. It was actually our son who saw the porn on his phone. Our son is 10 years old. He immediately texted me telling me that his dad was watching inappropriate things on his phone. He attempted to lie and say it was a show. However, he had no choice but to confess when I told him I would have our son confirm the scene he had seen on his phone. Only then, did my husband decide to confess his wrong doing. At this time, he is unable to provide a reason behind his porn addiction. I’ve asked repeatedly if it is me. If he feels I’m not available enough or just in general not being a good wife. He says I’m absolutely perfect for him. That he is very happy with me but yet he needs the porn. He needs to masturbate 2–4 times a week in addition to our sex of 2-3 times a week. Recently I had asked for us to go on a date and he absolutely bombed it. He did not make reservations until two hours before. We needed up having dinner at 530pm. We were back home within two hours. He is not putting in any effort into our marriage. He is so distracted but swears he is happy with me. I feel like there is more to our issues that he can’t just confess too. I’m highly considering divorce at this time. I love him to death, truly. But I can’t handle the pain and the insecurity he is making me live with. Am I overreacting? Should I be seeing this with different eyes? I know I’m not perfect, I’ve dropped the ball at points too. I’ve brought up the divorce and he is very calm about it. He says he cannot stop me but would like to try and win me back. I’m just feeling very lost and confused at this time.
submitted by Elegant-Damage9687 to loveafterporn [link] [comments]


2020.09.20 17:46 360Entertainment Jerome, the World’s Greatest... Bada***

Jerome, the World’s Greatest... Bad A**!
I had a friend in the Army between 2008-2011 (same time as Karen the Sergeant) that I’ll dub Jerome. He was one of the most hilarious guys I’d ever met, problem was he wasn’t hilarious on purpose! The guy was constantly self deluded as he truly believed he was a physical specimen of unprecedented knowledge and charisma. He was not! At best Jerome was slightly chubby, usually had bad B.O., and rarely knew what he was talking about.
Jerome fancied himself some kind of kickboxer. He’d go on about his various accomplishments in the sport on a regular basis. I don’t want to call him a liar outright but the only “proof”, if you can call it that, was his proficiency in toe punching people in the shin, then claim it was a distraction technique. Only other “skills” I’ve seen him display was landing several high combos in a Street Fighter II tournament!
A few stories of Jerome’s “combat prowess” and “weapons knowledge” come to mind. The first one doesn’t even really start out as a confrontation but definitely ended with one. A group of us had decided to go to the opening of a new Sports bar in Killeen called Pluckers. There was a little something for everyone there: family dining, bar area for mingling, pool table and darts, and guitar hero set up on a large screen for competitions.
Our usual crew consisted of me, Jerome, Jerome’s Roomate Downlow (me and him actually wrestled professionally together in a minor league around that time, Downlow was his Ringname), and my roommate Bayou Bill (he was from Louisiana, we’ll call him BB for short).
A little backstory, Downlow and Jerome did not get along. Jerome actually had a bad habit of creeping on Downlow’s many dates. It eventually got to the point that when BB moved out of the barracks (the room was still technically his, he just got an apartment with his Girlfriend) and Downlow moved into my room. I kept my space and didn’t bug him when he had a date and we’d game on my Xbox when we had nothing better to do!
Back to the story. Downlow and I were playing pool when this obviously underage girl came up and started flirting with him. Downlow knew what I knew and just ignored her, but wasn’t rude. Classy guy! Meanwhile I was on my third Jameson and Coke and was picking on her. I insinuating she was underage (“so how old are you? 15? 16?...12?) and eventually left. I didn’t think we’d see Short Girl again.
Fast forward to next week. We decided on a sit down meal and went to Bennigans. Our usual group, plus a few more, end up there. Jerome spoke up and said,” oh by the way, I invited someone!” We didn’t think anything of it but I’m sure you’ve probably figured it out. As we’re ordering drinks we hear a young woman’s voice ask “hey guys, remember me?” We turn around and there’s the Short Girl from Pluckers.
Jerome pulled out the chair next to him with a big ol grin on his face. She walked past him and squeezed herself between me and Downlow. As she is trying to warm herself up to Downlow, I went right back to clowning on her. It didn’t take long before she admitted she was only 16!
Downlow then stood up, causing Short Girl to fall on me because she was practically sitting on him and proclaim he was done. Downlow and I then left the restaurant. We proceeded to stop at the Class 6 to buy some bottom shelf vodka (payday was next week), some soda, and ordered a pizza. We then went to Downlow’s room, this was before he moved into my room, and we intended to watch Kung fu movies and get drunk.
About 30 minutes into Seven Swords in comes Jerome with Short Girl. He began to demand that we leave so he could “get lucky”. In Texas the legal age is 16, but Fort Hood falls under federal guidelines and the age of consent is 18. On top of this anytime Downlow brought a date over Jerome would constantly bug them, even trying to steal Downlow’s dates. Jerome demanding we leave was kind of ironic in this aspect.
Jerome argued with us until I proceeded to take Short Girl downstairs to our Charge of Quarters (barracks guards, CQ for short). I explained the situation and they immediately called a cab. After I gave the cab driver enough cash to get her home I stay downstairs and BS with the CQ for a bit, we were friends. Then we heard a crash come from upstairs!
Myself and one of the CQ guys rush up to the third floor and find Jerome in a Guillotine headlock, courtesy of Downlow. Downlow kept it slightly loose so Jerome wouldn’t choke but that didn’t stop Jerome from trying to kick and scream like a madman to get out. Apparently Jerome tried rushing Downlow. Big mistake, Downlow had been practicing Gracie Jiu Jitsu for about 5 years at that point and could get a hold anywhere. We get the two separated and Jerome starts talking about calling our supervisors but the CQ guy then says “do you really want to explain why you brought a high school girl to your room?” Jerome is adamant that he was in the right but is outnumbered three to one. His leadership is notified and they literally called him an idiot. Jerome then sulked the rest of the night, we gave him some pizza and booze to calm him down, he didn’t stay bitter for too long.
Some time later we’re all hanging out again. Myself, Downlow, Jerome, and BB get out of Downlow’s car and head up to the barracks. As we’re heading in Jerome says “there’s that son of a b****” and beckons us to follow him to the second floor. BB follows him but myself and Downlow don’t know what the heck Jerome is talking about and head back to our floor. As we’re heading to the rooms we hear Jerome getting heated downstairs. Not wanting to explain how Jerome ended up in the hospital we head down to the second floor, except we take another way.
We end up behind the guys Jerome is talking to. As Jerome is getting on this guy and his friends he stops mid way through telling them he was going to kick his a**. Apparently Jerome thought me and Downlow we’re behind him and had been talking crap to this group of four. The guy then calmly explains that he wasn’t gonna let Jerome creep on a female friend of his after she’d told him no already. The guy obviously did not want to fight but was willing to throw down if necessary.
One of other guy’s buddies noticed me and Downlow behind them and jumped a bit. We gave a sarcastic howdy and learn their side of the story. Apparently Jerome met one of their friends at Club Tatu some time ago and began to aggressively flirt (“Hey, I have a mustang”). She wasn’t feeling it and left. Jerome found out she lived in the same barracks we did and had been low key stalking her. He did this with every female he met in the Brigade, but this guy had stepped in. Dude turned out to be pretty cool once we got to talking. When our Platoon Security Detail guys moved into the second floor of our barracks, most of us ended up at the same parties!
Jerome fancied himself a weapons guy. He’d always go on about his “exotic weapons”collection. In reality he bought cheap crap from BudK and other sites like studded leather knuckle guards with blades cheaply attached. One weekend he had me accompany him because he desperately wanted a sword cane. We checked all of the pawn shops around Killeen, Temple, and Copperas Cove and found several. He was picky and wanted one with a long blade. He finally ordered one online and started walking around with it. After a few days of showing it off around the barracks he was finally told he couldn’t walk carry a weapon like that on post. He ended up taking it home eventually.
Fast Forward to our deployment. We’re waiting to leave Kuwait and Jerome is going on about his extensive win/loss record in kickboxing. His Squad leader, despite knowing Jerome can be a bit full of it, asks if there’s any professional records he could look up. He was a bit of a fight connoisseur. Jerome said all the records had been destroyed in a fire. When asked if Jerome’s coach might have another copy he responded,” Coach Van Damme didn’t believe in records!” We start busting up after he’s pressed into saying his coach was “a guy named Jean Claude Van Damme”! His squad leader is dying and starts referring to the guy as “Jacques Van Damme”! We rag him for about ten minutes before we get bored and go to the gym!
We’re about six months in and the Motorpool guys have located some sheet metal. One of the guys fashions himself some home made hunting knives. He was a freelance blacksmith back in Texas and made some really nice blades. He shows Jerome how to do it and thinks he must want to make himself a knife. Nope!!!
Jerome proceeds to make himself a sword! He’s under the impression that since we had to do the occasional security sweep through our camp that he’s going to get to show off his non existent sword skills. Our particular camp was a prison complex for captured insurgents. They rioted every so often and on a few occasions nearly broke out. The blade itself was a crude short saber with a lot of weight near the point. As he was doing some “martial artsy” whirls with it he attempted to chop into a thick wooden pole. The blade broke in half and we all laughed our butts off. He tried to take it back stateside but he lacked the paperwork and it ended up confiscated. He wasn’t happy.
After we returned from Iraq, my roommate (Rockstar from Karen The Sergeant) and I bought some wooden katanas at the Suncoast in the mall. They were cheap but we had a blast messing around with them. Jerome also bought a wooden sword from there, but he purchased one of their Spartan sword replicas. He came out and started swinging it wildly, almost smacking me upside the head a few times. I wanted to teach him a lesson but Rockstar, like some kind of Anime hero, offered to instead. Rockstar actually had some sword training, unlike Jerome, and managed to hurt his pride pretty badly. Jerome received several light taps up and down his arms and once in his belly, but he never landed a single hit on Rockstar. Jerome eventually gave up and threw his wooden sword in his room, where it broke in half like his Iraq sword.
That was the last of Jerome’s Bad A** Moments. I’ll post more Jerome stories later!
submitted by 360Entertainment to StoriesAboutKevin [link] [comments]


2020.09.19 01:46 Perpetual-Sorrow 22[M4F] Central time/Anywhere – Redditor looking for Redditoress

Hi! I’m looking for a serious and committed online relationship than has the possibility of meeting each other irl at some point in the future. All good relationships start with a good friendship though, so let’s start slow :)
I consider myself to be a nurturer and good listener. I like listening to others talk and poke questions at them, perhaps give them advice or just give them the motivation they need to make them feel better. I’m also a little bit shy and perhaps too introverted for my own good (sunlight deprived). I have trouble getting to sleep all the time, so if you’re a fan of late-night conversations, I’m here for it. I’m a bit clingy, but nothing unhealthy and I always respect boundaries, just normal stuff like: double texting, triple texting, responding immediately whenever I can, good morning/night messages (or calls) daily, stalking you a bit in here. Just the usual.
I’m a computer science student with a very wide range of interest: math, electronics, programming, videogames, anime (and anime related stuff), politics, watching videos at 1.5x speed, typing, etc. If we don’t share that many things, is ok since we can always teach each other about our hobbies and I’m very open to learning new things. I also like to voice chat (even when we’re doing things on our own) and have thoughtful conversations, if you fall asleep while we are on vc I’ll probably feel butterflies in my stomach. I can talk about things I’m passionate about for perhaps too much time and is a hobby of mine to try and explain anything complicated as if the other person is five (Feynman technique).
Ideas for e-dates: Playing games together, exchanging stories on vc, watching movies or anime together, drinking games while video chatting, discussing book we previously agreed to read, truth or dare online edition, streaming ourselves eating food, scary night watching or reading horror stuff, travel simulator with Google Maps (we can even show our houses to each other) and others…
Finally, I would prefer it if you are a woman who is in the [20-30] years old range and the closer to my time zone the better. I prefer gals that are also introverted and prefer staying inside but simultaneously love having long conversations. We can exchange pictures if you want, but I am a bit camera shy so please let me know ahead of time so that I can go get a haircut (haven’t had one in a while because of the pandemic). If you’re interested, message me an introduction about yourself (the longer the better, I love reading about people) and also let me know what about my post made you want to message me :)
submitted by Perpetual-Sorrow to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]


2020.09.19 00:02 KindheartedThanks Pride about re-engaging after a COVID-related ghosting/breadcrumbing hiatus?

In this post, I am truly and actually asking for a friend (who is not on Reddit). The setting is online dating during the "not-game-playing not-wasting-time but self-respecting forties" as we have all established in this beautiful little sub...
let's say you (F) had a date with someone (M) pre-COVID that ended in a kiss and both parties continued texting after the kiss about meeting up again with lots of good date ideas and ideas for activities together changing hands. Then the world shut down days later, and the texts turned to "when everything opens up again" and then petered out.
You notice through facebook stalking that the guy now appears to be seeing someone - an old friend, long distance - and leave it alone.
Then, about six months later, on one beautiful fall day, his profile pops back up on Bumble, Hinge, and elsewhere. His Facebook status again reflects he's single. Do you hit "like" on one of the apps, or stand your ground and X him out / ignore him / leave him in the past because you're not sure which one of you, if any, might have ghosted previously?
Update: Nevermind, she hit “like” (I think ok Hinge?) but didn’t message. Ball’s in his court. I’ll update here if it ends up being something positive and lovely enough to talk about. Otherwise, let’s all assume it will fade into the ether as another ill-fated online dating story.
submitted by KindheartedThanks to datingoverforty [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 21:37 Perpetual-Sorrow 22[M4F] Central time/Anywhere – Redditor looking for Redditoress

Hi! I’m looking for a serious and committed online relationship than has the possibility of meeting each other irl at some point in the future. All good relationships start with a good friendship though, so let’s start slow :)
I consider myself to be a nurturer and good listener. I like listening to others talk and poke questions at them, perhaps give them advice or just give them the motivation they need to make them feel better. I’m also a little bit shy and perhaps too introverted for my own good (sunlight deprived). I have trouble getting to sleep all the time, so if you’re a fan of late-night conversations, I’m here for it. I’m a bit clingy, but nothing unhealthy and I always respect boundaries, just normal stuff like: double texting, triple texting, responding immediately whenever I can, good morning/night messages (or calls) daily, stalking you a bit in here. Just the usual.
I’m a computer science student with a very wide range of interest: math, electronics, programming, videogames, anime (and anime related stuff), politics, watching videos at 1.5x speed, typing, etc. If we don’t share that many things, is ok since we can always teach each other about our hobbies and I’m very open to learning new things. I also like to voice chat (even when we’re doing things on our own) and have thoughtful conversations, if you fall asleep while we are on vc I’ll probably feel butterflies in my stomach. I can talk about things I’m passionate about for perhaps too much time and is a hobby of mine to try and explain anything complicated as if the other person is five (Feynman technique).
Ideas for e-dates: Playing games together, exchanging stories on vc, watching movies or anime together, drinking games while video chatting, discussing book we previously agreed to read, truth or dare online edition, streaming ourselves eating food, scary night watching or reading horror stuff, travel simulator with Google Maps (we can even show our houses to each other) and others…
Finally, I would prefer it if you are a woman who is in the [20-30] years old range and the closer to my time zone the better. I prefer gals that are also introverted and prefer staying inside but simultaneously love having long conversations. We can exchange pictures if you want, but I am a bit camera shy so please let me know ahead of time so that I can go get a haircut (haven’t had one in a while because of the pandemic). If you’re interested, message me an introduction about yourself (the longer the better, I love reading about people) and also let me know what about my post made you want to message me :)
submitted by Perpetual-Sorrow to r4r [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 21:08 Straight_Scarcity_84 PPO vs Police Department.

I have been dealing with a stalker for over 10 months now. This person has cyberstalked, threatened, assaulted, stalked (in person) and harassed me both online and in person. I have made multiple police reports. I had a court hearing for a PPO yesterday that got rescheduled to another date next month due to connection issues. Immediately after the court hearing, the other party began harassing me again. I called the PPO clerk and she said at this point my case is not a PPO case although I have another PPO hearing next month. I contacted the police and they said they cannot press charges on the other party if there is no court ordered PPO in place. I am living in fear of my safety. I do not know what my stalker is capable of as I do not know them personally. I have been dealing with this situation since December 5, 2019. It’s like the police and the PPO court are giving me the run around. I am in Michigan.
submitted by Straight_Scarcity_84 to legaladvice [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 06:12 FrequentPoetry no bigger PickMeisha than yours truly has ever walked this planet...

hi ladies! never posted on this sub before. hope this is ok.
I've decided to share this, and it makes me deeply embarassed, but I think it fits with the sub and might. be a lesson for other girls here, even though I don't think anyone here needs it because I don't believe anyone was as dumb and desperate as I was.
I'll start by saying that this all happened virtually. Yes, it was an online relationship and I've never actually met this dude, which makes it much more embarassing but actually relieving in a way, because I never had to even kiss him.
I was a newly turned 16 year old, and we started texting. He was 19. Then, after two weeks, I started flirting with him which eventually led him to ask me to date him. Now, I don't know what the FUCK I was thinking. I had never seen more than one picture of him, he had never seen a picture of me, and no sane, healthy person thinks that this is an actual "relationship". But I had spent years outside of school due to my severe mental health problems, and all I did was be on the Internet, all of my friends were online friends, etc. So an online relationship didn't sound that crazy.
Long story short, he treated me like crap... often. Now, I don't mean to sound entitled, but I am very attractive. Besides, I was overweight and I literally lost so much weight out of nothing but sheer will and strenght and sense of responsability. AS A 15 YEAR OLD who treated food like comfort. So I have that as a personality trait.
Yet this dude tore me apart. And I was no saint. Throughout the relationship, I said things I deeply regret. I was immature and mean too. But he treated me like second best. He had this """"""""relationship"""""" with this girl, also online, that lasted for about a week and a half before she stopped talking to him. And he would talk about her, and praise her, which made me feel insecure. He literally admitted to stalking her Twitter account after 2 days of "dating" and sent voice messages almost crying OVER A GIRL HE SPOKE WITH FOR A WEEK AND A HALF. He spent months pining over her.
We had those ridiculous fights, yelled at each other, I blocked him, hung up on him, he would punch walls and break stuff- all over the phone. It was ridiculous.
Eventually due to excessive fighting he dumped me, and I, of course, chased him, tried to get him to talk to me, BEGGED him to stay. Literally cried my eyes out so much my face looked puffy all the time.
Onto this catch who broke my heart: a dude who plays video games all day, eats like a 5 year old, has never eaten lettuce or any kind of greens/vegetables, won't eat almost any fruits because it's gross, won't condition his hair, brushes his teeth LITERALLY maybe once every 2 weeks (I mean it.), showers for 5 minutes, sometimes wouldnt shower for days, is hairy AS FUCK, has a small dick and a neckbeard. Also his grandma does everything for him, as in, she brings him his plate of food while he games, washes his.clothes, does dishes, cleans his bedroom, does his laundry etc. He is almost 21.
And of course he LOVED BDSM and what did I do? I catered to him. Said things that degraded me, like physical abuse. Me, who read radical feminist theory when I was 15.
I guess it goes to show how important a healthy social life is.
Ladies, love yourself.
submitted by FrequentPoetry to FemaleDatingStrategy [link] [comments]


2020.09.18 01:03 bebedumpling Breaking up with my favourite person

For context I have Borderline personality disorder, depression and anxiety. So I'm quite emotionally dependent on people around me. People with bpd are known to have a favourite person, for me that was my bf. We started dating early last year, everything went well but I had just come out of an abusive relationship so my mental health wasnt best. Because if that I attached myself to my new bf quite quickly, which eventually became our downfall.
See I had no friends, no hobbies, no nothing apart from him, he was my emotional dependants and because of that we got into quite a few arguments. I felt swamped by the way he was acting, he said he had never smoked (which this year I found out to be a total lie), he didnt trust me to actually try make friends as I am quite a sexual person due to trauma so he was scared they would try lead me on, and a plethora of other things.
September last year he broke up with me, I hit rock bottom. I ate barely anything and became extremely underweight, I started smoking, I started drinking, I started going with untrustworthy men to have sex with them which just ended up making me worse as one proved to be very clingy to me and he was also nearly 3 times my age (I was 17). I got bed bugs, thrush, lost all my chances at getting good grades in college.
I thought about him everyday, and it was taking a big toll on me. I attempted suicide twice in this time, though that's nothing new as I have many times before just been too pussy to go through with it as I thought I had some chance to be with him again.
After this I made a friend and it went onto a short relationship, practically the whole time I was getting drunk. I wont go too into this as he stalks a bit and I dont want him to read this. After I ended that which I had to make many excuses for because apparently not liking someone anymore isnt a reason to break up with someone, I just went back to my old ways.
6 months after breaking up he messaged me and told me to meet up with him the same day. We had a 5 hour conversation and we reconnected really well. A week after that we started dating again. Bad idea! I cried everyday, i was so on edge that he would leave me again that i couldn't function, my anxiety was going crazy and I hadnt been this scared in ages.
That quickly ended after a month, one month later he said he was willing to put effort in. And I said the same.
We have dated for only 3 months as of this moment, it is the same day last year that he broke up with me and we are going to break up again.
I got too attached and was way 'too emotional' for him. And he had just a bad report card so to speak. He lied alot, he kept secrets, he cheated (online), he didnt want to call me, messages me, and sometimes not even see me. It came a thing that he would come round, we would fuck, he would leave. We rarely even had a conversation.
Yesterday I said something I shouldn't have and I apologised profusely, rewording what I had said. Obviously I had crossed a line.
Today he spilled everything, everything he had been hiding from me. Everything he has been feeling. Turns out we both love eachother but we both dont see ourselves being happy in a relationship. He still wants to see me tomorrow and I know it will be horrible just like it was last time.
I dont know what to do with my life. The only reason I get out of bed is to see him, the only reason I didnt die last year was because I had hope, this time I know it will be the last.
I understand it's not good, we emotionally abuse eachother, he has raped me multiple times, we arent happy when we are apart, not because we are sad but because we dont know what to do or say rather than have sex.
Anyway, rant over. Cant wait for tomorrow...
submitted by bebedumpling to Vent [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 16:47 csabann I am (F/23) and still single. When will I find the one?

I broke things off with my ex two years ago, I finally walked out from the shadow of my cheating ex who never loved me. It was also a so-called relationship (we dated exclusively for a year) that broke me because I loved him way too much and kept trying to accept all his wrongdoings.
Ever since, I have been stuck on a limbo because I have been constantly dating guys from dating apps (usually from tinder and bumble)....and nothing worked out. I think I’m slightly above average looking but I do have a lack of option because of my small social circle and introverted personality — dating apps are the only way for me to find potential dates. I do swipe very selectively and communicate that I’m more of looking for something serious, still, it doesn’t work out. I know for a reason that people on those apps are usually into the casual dating culture, and that isn’t for me.
It got to a point that my feelings and emotions are all numb, I don’t even know how to love someone anymore. Every guy I met would always act like they are all serious in me but only to find out that they have been flirting/meeting other girls behind my back. I feel like I have to constantly tip toe around and occasionally stalk their social media to see their interactions with any girls. I’m really tired but I can’t seem to stop myself from dating guys online and all these bullshit. Besides that, I think I just got to a point that I’m kinda desperate to want to settle down with someone because I never had a proper relationship and I’m getting old.
I just don’t know what to feel anymore...would appreciate some advice. Thank you in advance.
submitted by csabann to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 13:56 AceOfClubs23 Got Ghosted for the First Time

Honestly I don’t even know how to process this. When lockdown hit I decided to download grindr on a whim and got lucky talking to someone who was genuinely attractive, not a catfish and a nice person. I didn’t even speak to anyone else on there and he seemed to really get me.
There were a few red flags - we weren’t meeting in lockdown and he said that he had COVID and lost his voice, and eventually his voice never came back and he said that he had cysts on his vocal cords and needed an operation, which was back in June. He’s messaging me just before he’s about to have it and then he just disappears for a whole month. I was quite understanding about it but I did get worried after about a week/ two weeks. Eventually after a month he came back and said that the operation wasn’t a success and he was really depressed as he wouldn’t get his voice back. Then he said he still didn’t want to meet for a few months as he didn’t want to see anyone which I was totally fine with and we still messaged often. It seemed like some thing kept putting off us meeting or it going wrong but it seemed very minor and he seemed extremely genuine - talking about how he felt and he would constantly send pictures of his days, his family, even his fucking therapist he was going to because of his voice.
I’m going to uni soon so I tell him I would like to see him before I leave and surprisingly he says yes. He tells me he wanted to wait until after his next therapy session which was Tuesday this week; then drive up from where he was (he was staying with his parents during lockdown and never came back) and drive back to his apartment which was near me. He talked about all the things he was excited to do like making pizza and even a hot tub (which he actually mentioned having back in March). He seemed so genuine and I felt really comfortable around him and I wasn’t really interested in seeing any other boys. He messaged me before his therapy session on Tuesday and then goes off and doesn’t come back online for hours. Then late at night on Tuesday I notice he has blocked me; and it sets in that something is wrong. Still I try to go back to sleep and convince myself maybe there was some kind of mistake, considering we had set a time and place to meet in the morning - but deep down I wasn’t fooling myself. Eventually I’m still blocked in the morning but I still want to go to the meeting place just on the offhand he is there. Honestly I was about 7-10 minutes late and he wasn’t there and I just felt really embarrassed and ashamed. I had opened up to him and made myself vulnerable - and it seemed like he did too. It just doesn’t really make sense as to why he would do this and there was no warning but I suppose there wasn’t supposed to be any warning or explanation. I’m trying not to let it get to me or affect my confidence but obviously it’s not working. At points he even seemed more into me than I was into him - talking about the holidays he wanted to take me on and the dates and the dreams that he would have of me. He would send me pics of him and his family or just any old thing. I’m just really confused about it all and just a bit angry now. Why put up this facade for 6 months if you’re going to do this at the end? Why go to all the effort? It was hardly obvious that it was going to happen that I can’t even think of why.
The biggest red flag was that he was cagey about giving me his number (saying that someone had stalked him before after he gave them his number so he was scared) and it seemed like bullshit to me but I didn’t question it. He gave me his tiktok which I still have - he doesn’t post videos but I know he uses it. I remembered about it and messaged him on it about how I felt about it all really, I don’t think he has even linked his number so it doesn’t matter anyways - not even sure if he has even seen any of the messages.
I suppose my question is how am I supposed to try and get over it and has anyone been through a similar experience of talking for so long just for it to cut off at the last second for no reason? It just seems like a particularly evil thing to do.
submitted by AceOfClubs23 to askgaybros [link] [comments]


2020.09.17 13:30 1filbird Quitting without AA

Can you recover without AA or similar support? That question is starting to come between my brother and me.
I have needed to quit drinking for several years, felt it in my bones that I was bloody well going to quit right after last Christmas, and after several tries I am on Day 25.
My older brother has been sober for 8 years. He hit a very hard rock bottom and has recovered to such an extent that he is an inspiration. We talk often and it’s been very helpful but he is consistent in his encouragement that I should go to AA meetings, which remain key to his own recovery. We had not spoken for several days before we caught up by phone last night and there was some judgement in his tone when we talked about the fact that I have still not gone to an AA meeting (at least one of the online versions).
I am not a joiner and I am a stubborn SOB, and I want to do this alone - and with the support of this online community, because you folks are awesome and amazing.
I did try AA, although I admit my toe was not in the pool water for very long: I signed into one online AA meeting about two weeks ago, had an immediate negative reaction, dropped off, and I have never tried again.
So, what’s my problem?
I want a life separate from alcohol, and I sometimes feel that AA members are as hooked to talking about drinking in recovery as they were hooked to the booze itself before they quit. Alcohol is still there in their lives. It’s like the guy who divorces his wife “to get away from her” and then spends all his time grousing about her, fighting over custody, stalking her online and harassing her friends. His life still revolves around her.
When I divorce myself from alcohol I mean it. I want to move to another state, burn the wedding photographs, change my name, start dating again, and move fucking on.
There are always multiple paths through any life situation and the AA path does not feel right to me.
I hope that I am not kidding myself by thinking I can do this without AA. But I quit because alcohol was hurting me. The gout, the early morning anxiety attacks, the dermatitis, the bloating and digestive problems, the cycle of elation and then crushing depression and fatigue, and that horrible realization that I was always the drunkest person in the room (which made me just another hamster on alcohol’s wheel) - I don’t want that anymore. I want to get back to the Philip who runs and works out and reads books and just fucking does non-booze things, even if he now is a crabby 57-year old.
End of rant.
This app really does help and I know that I am not “doing it alone” as long as I stay connected here. While I am looking for some advice and feedback about whether I can quit without relying on AA, I also guess that I have pretty much spelled out that I intend to quit without AA, anyway.
Writing this post has been an interesting journey in itself.
I love a challenge. And I mean no disrespect to any of my fellow alcoholics whose paths include (and whose recovery benefits from) AA. The goal is to live without alcohol and I don’t care if you get there by adopting a kangaroo and commuting to work on a pogo stick.
I am not drinking with any of you lovely people today. Stay strong.
submitted by 1filbird to stopdrinking [link] [comments]


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